Monday blues? Driving or planning to drive? Read this. Relieved or devastated?

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So Mini-star Marlboro Tan thinks cutting petrol taxes and giving out fuel subsidies is not the answer to high fuel costs, and suggests we all make “lifestyle changes” instead. Maybe oil just isn’t ex enough for our multimillionaire politicians. But how will we know when oil is too bleddy expensive?

We suggest some signs to indicate when the price of oil is out of control:

1. When former DPM Tony Tan’s hair gets all dry and frizzy

2. When you have to send your kids to school using a very large catapult

3. When the char kway teow uncle tells you he has to slap on a $5 oil surcharge, or else he’ll fry your order in hot water

4. When you look at teenagers’ faces and wonder if you can squeeze enough out of them to fuel your car

5. When the petrol station uncles all start wearing tuxedos

6. When the camels in Saudi Arabia begin to sport gold teeth

7. When the competitors in the upcoming F1 all switch their sportscars to Perodua Kancils.

8. Most popular new TV show: Pimp My Bike

9. When people start converting their SUVs into mini-studio apartments

10. When Hollywood movies start replacing car chases with more conversation

11. When carpooling, people lom chiam pas to see who gets to steer, and who gets to push

12. When Paris Hilton has to take bus to go clubbing

13. When to be able to afford a litre of petrol, you have to sell your car

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